I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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