he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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