Where is the hickey?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
