Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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