he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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