he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
