I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
