i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
