The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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