Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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