Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
