Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
