I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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