Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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