Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
