can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
