one two three fourrrrnication!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
