Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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