the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
