I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I smell stomach acid.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
