If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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