all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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