remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
