Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
