so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
