Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
