i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
