Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
