Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
