Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
