When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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