Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
