sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
