he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
