remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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