Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is Oprah even human
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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