Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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