Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They took my balls.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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