Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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