I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
