im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
