I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
