I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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