I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
