no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
