Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
