I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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