first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
