It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
