its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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