I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
