at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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