her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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