Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
