awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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