Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
