i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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