Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
