his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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