i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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