I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
