remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
