I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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