You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
